


Gambit's Reason

by BabyChocoboAlchemist



Series: Leon and Chris Tell Each Other Things [3]
Category: Biohazard | Resident Evil (Gameverse)
Genre: Boys In Love, First Dates, First Love, Fluff and Angst, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Male Homosexuality, Psychological Trauma, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-21
Updated: 2020-09-21
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:33:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,605
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26587423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BabyChocoboAlchemist/pseuds/BabyChocoboAlchemist
Summary: “Haven’t you been paying attention? I’mdone,Chris. I can’t do this anymore. I’ve been at my breaking point for a while now, but after what happened-after what I did toyou-this just can’t go on any more.Ican’t go on any more. I can’t. I may be taking the coward’s way out, but-”The storm of emotion behind Chris’ words broke Leon’s heart into a hundred pieces. “I take it you aren’t talking about retirement.”--------------------------------------Post Resident Evil 6 and Resident Evil: Vendetta. Chris and his squadron rescue Leon from the world’s newest threat, but that’s not all Leon needs to be rescued from. As Claire’s brother quickly finds out, he needs to be rescued from himself.Leon tells Chris he plans on doing something that can’t be undone. Chris takes action. Inspired by ‘is it too late to come on home?’ by BeesKnees.
Relationships: Leon S. Kennedy/Chris Redfield
Series: Leon and Chris Tell Each Other Things [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1933945
Comments: 2
Kudos: 34





	Gambit's Reason

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [is it too late to come on home?](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24243787) by [BeesKnees](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BeesKnees/pseuds/BeesKnees). 



> Hello! Welcome to another edition of ‘I’m Writing This Because Leon is Hot and Roger Craig Smith is best Chris Redfield’. This is the third piece of my ‘Leon and Chris Tell Each Other Things’ series, but none of the pieces have to be read in order. Just read this one, if you want too. They’re all separate, all standalone pieces I wrote purely because I’m a lifelong Leon fan, I adore Chris and Roger Craig Smith DOES make a mean Chris voice. The emotion packed into his performances as Chris Redfield cannot be ignored. Nothing against Chris’ latest voice actor, it’s just Roger packed a bunch of emotion into Chris and it gets me every time he says something. Writing him as a chivalrous prince is fun.
> 
> I had to write this after reading the BeesKnees piece. Please visit that piece too.
> 
> Chris refers to Leon as ‘Gambit’ at one point, and Leon refers to Chris as ‘Juggernaut’. I thought it would’ve been cute to have them refer to each other by nicknames, and felt Gambit was similar to Leon in regards to personality and battle style. Juggernaut comes from me forever seeing Chris as his Resident Evil 5 version.
> 
> Chris makes a Resident Evil Outbreak reference. Try to spot it. :)
> 
> Thank you for being here! Please be safe and enjoy.

_Overlooking the edge of the world, he realized how peaceful everything below appeared to be. How much calmer, quieter, everything was._

_He stood on the edge, an inch away from descending, so closer to being at peace. The world around him was a blurry, deafening mess, and nothing inside of him was any different. Everything had become stained, torn and tormented. Over the years, he had become stained, torn and tormented. And the last couple of hours had done nothing but soil him even more. He assumed he could take care of everything, as he had always assumed he could take care of everything, but everything fell apart. Slipped in between his hands. And it was time to fall into what appeared to be peace. The peace he had spent so many years seeking._

_He stood on the edge, an inch away from descending. Despite the roars and gunfire swelling behind him, despite the storm raging within him, everything was so much calmer. Quieter. He had always been told there was no time like the present, and that wasn’t a philosophy he intended on ignoring much longer. It was there, right there, the quiet he had sought for so long. If he fell into it, nothing would matter any more. All would be gone. All of it. He would lose his name, his voice, his life-everything that had ever mattered. And it didn’t matter. It was what he wanted. What needed to happen. It was only a matter of time before he lost himself anyway._

_Nothing could save him. He didn’t even want to be saved._

_He stood on the edge, calmer, quieter, despite the pain incinerating his veins. He shut his eyes, ready for it, ready for all of it to be taken away, ready for it to just end. But then-_

_“Leon!”_

_There it was again. That voice. The same voice that called out to him in his dreams. That warm, frantic, electric voice._

_Gunfire continued to swell behind him. For a moment, he remained still, unwilling to face the one that had appeared behind him. He then turned around, slowly, raising a gun to the side of his head. Ready to pull the trigger. And there he was, Chris Redfield, panicking. As though the fibers of the earth were seconds away from breaking. “Don’t do it, Leon,” the BSAA agent urged him, slowly approaching him, carefully stepping towards him as though the ground had suddenly become glass. “Please. Don’t do this. We can save you. Everything’s going to be alright, I promise.”_

_He shook his head with a smile. A small, bittersweet smile. “I just tried to kill you, Chris. You and your men.”_

_“It wasn’t your fault,” Claire’s brother told him, still stepping towards him, arms outstretched, face wielding electric panic, sadness, frustration. “Please. It doesn’t have to be like this. There’s a vaccine. Just give us-”_

_The trigger was pulled. Leon threw himself off the ledge, smiling, and the last thing he heard was-_

_Chris calling his name._

_He awakened somehow, eyes opening, heart racing, mind racing with thoughts that should’ve been silenced. It hurt, everything hurt, screamed, bled, confused him. The peace he sought had not yet arrived. It looked as though he’d have to wait much longer to embrace it. No longer was he on a ledge but in a bed. A hospital bed. Surrounded by frantic, worried voices. Faces. Tears. Things he shouldn’t have been able to hear. At least he was still together, still human. What happened, though? Where was he? Was he in Heaven or somewhere else? Was he alive? In another dimension? Why was he anywhere at all?_

_There were voices, plenty of voices. All of them talking to him, Leon, worrying about him. He recognized them. Hunnigan’s, Claire’s, the voices of a few other agents he found familiar. Chris’ voice was missing. Chris had to be somewhere. Had to be safe. Had to be unharmed. Had to be._

_Wait. The gunshot. The bullet. Did he miss? Did he hit Chris instead? That couldn’t have been right. Couldn’t have been. Leon knew how to aim. Maybe he didn’t know how to drive, but he knew his way around a gun. His entire career was fashioned around his prowess with a gun. He aimed the gun right at his head. He couldn’t have shot Chris. Couldn’t have. That couldn’t have been right. Not at all._

_It wasn’t right. Hunnigan let him know it wasn’t right. He asked questions, plenty of questions, wondering why he wasn’t still on the edge, wondering why he hadn’t died, wondering where Chris was and if everyone else was all right._

_“You were reckless enough to throw yourself off the building, yes. Fortunately, Captain Redfield jumped after you, THEN went through the trouble of securing the vaccine for you several hours later. If it hadn’t been for him, you probably wouldn’t be here right now.”_

_Chris jumped. Jumped off a building. Just for him. Jumped. They were three stories off the ground, but he jumped. Then found the vaccine. Saved him._

_Hunnigan said even more things. So did Claire. They were there, right there, one of them angry, the other sad and relieved, all tears and electric emotion. Worrying about him, hoping he’d be alright, hoping he wouldn’t pull any more reckless stunts. Chris was still missing but he must’ve been somewhere, somewhere safe, somewhere far away from harm._

_He eventually shut his eyes, the eyes he was somehow still able to open. He was somehow still human, still breathing, still alive, worrying about Chris, sinking into the deafening silence he still craved with a passion._

\--------------------------------------------------------------

Leon Scott Kennedy somehow opened his eyes again. 

The world around him and within him was a blurry, stinging, incomprehensible mess, ripe with the humming of nearby medical equipment, and with the glow of countless computer monitors. He was his room’s sole occupant, as doctors and nurses occupied themselves elsewhere. Claire and Hunnigan were gone-probably close, considering how concerned they were, and how they could be when it came to people they cared about. But he wasn’t alone for long. The second he turned, his eyes met-

Chris’.

Claire’s brother stood in the doorway, panting, exhausted, worried, relieved. Their eyes remained locked on each other in a world that knew only the gentle blur of computers, not the chaos they were both so accustomed to. And it was in that moment they discovered each other for what must’ve been the very first time, open and vulnerable, longing and hurt. Leon fought for something, anything to say, but the words inside of him were an incomprehensible mess. A blur. Just as the rest of him was. If there really was anything of him left. But his silence did nothing to deter Chris. “You’re awake,” the BSAA agent said, speaking not just to Leon but also to himself, approaching him the same way he approached the brunette out on the ledge.

“Thank God. It’s about time.”

Chris hugged him. Leon hated himself and had _never_ hated anyone more. There was the scent of gunfire and flame, of earth and blood, all of it familiar, all of it stained with tears and worry, things that shouldn’t have ever been there. Things that were there because of _him._ “So glad you’re awake,” the Redfield murmured into his shoulder, trembling, his voice warm, familiar, gentle. “It was touch-and-go for a while. Thanks for coming back to us, Gambit.”

The DSO agent blinked while gently pulling out of Chris’ arms. “Gambit? Haven’t heard that name in a while,” he admitted, running a hand through his hair. Gambit-when was the last time anyone referred to him by that name? Must’ve been another DSO officer. Or maybe an officer he worked with, during his earlier days on the force. But how did _Chris_ come across the nickname? Did Claire tell him? How did she-ah, too confusing, too hard, too difficult to make sense of anything. Too difficult to make sense of his _birth_ name and the breath flowing through his body, let alone a nickname. If Chris knew, he knew. “So now you know my favorite member of the X-Men,” the gunner concluded. “What about _you,_ now? Hunnigan told me what happened. About how you rescued me. You didn’t _really_ throw yourself off the building, did you?”

Chris wasted not a second in responding. “I did,” he said, eyes burning into Leon’s with iron-clad fortitude.

“Did you _not_ know we were three stories off the ground?”

“I did.”

Leon grimaced, holding a hand against his forehead, suddenly a hundred years older, every limb of his five hundred pounds heavier. “I’m glad you’re alright, really, I am, but I didn’t _want_ to be saved,” the brunette told him, lowering his head. Every word was laced in pain, exhaustion, sadness. “Since me pointing a gun at myself didn’t clue you in, I’ll tell you point blank. I didn’t want to be saved.”

Chris growled, settling his hands on the other’s shoulders, his eyes burning holes into the Kennedy’s skull. “What happened back there _wasn’t_ your fault. You weren’t yourself, Leon. But everything’s alright now. You’re fine. You’re safe.”

Leon shook his head with a bittersweet chuckle. “Are _you?”_

Chris blinked as though Leon had just started speaking backwards German. Ingrid’s partner continued after a moment of silence, his voice quiet, sad. “Hunnigan told me about the vaccine you secured on my behalf. And now you’re here. Surely you’re needed elsewhere, but you’re here.”

“Right where I need to be.”

Claire’s old friend grimaced. “Bullshit. Chris, I almost _killed_ you.” Another immediate counter-attack. “You and your men were in danger because of me. I _attacked_ you. I _hurt_ you. That may not mean a damn thing to you, but it means everything to _me._ I hurt you, Chris. And who says it won’t happen again? Is anything ever guaranteed in our line of work? Other than gruesome _death?”_

“No, it’s not, but I regret nothing.”

“If you had to choose between saving me _or_ your men, what would you choose? What would it be, Redfield? Me or your team? Is that a choice you _really_ want to make? Do you think that’s a choice I _want_ you to make?”

He was backed into a corner, Chris Redfield, visibly uncomfortable, uncertain, panic-stricken. He was silent for what felt like an eternity, eyes on Leon’s, trembling, angry, frustrated. “Where is this going, Leon?” he asked, breaking the fragile silence between them, his voice a low growl. Leon set both hands against his face, everything suddenly on fire, aching, screaming as loudly as it could.

“Haven’t you been paying attention? I’m _done,_ Chris. I can’t do this anymore. I’ve been at my breaking point for a while now, but after what happened-after what I did to _you-_ this just can’t go on any more. _I_ can’t go on any more. I can’t. I may be taking the coward’s way out, but-”

The storm of emotion behind Chris’ words broke Leon’s heart into a hundred pieces. “I take it you aren’t talking about retirement.”

The brunette shook his head, eyes burning with tears, hurt. “No, I’m talking about taking my own advice.” A clear reference to advice he had given partners over the years: shoot them in the head. The stunt Leon attempted-apparently for reasons that went _beyond_ being infected with the latest form of bioterrorism. “I don’t have a reason, Juggernaut,” the DSO agent told him. Everything grew heavier, harder to bear, louder, much too quiet. Noting the surprise on his friend’s face, Leon went on.

“Hey. If you get to call me Gambit, I get to call you _Juggernaut._ But that’s beside the point. I don’t have a reason. Not any more. I told you I was burnt out on this business a little while ago.” Ah-a clear shot at the A-Virus Incident, in which Leon expressed discontent towards a life of fighting BOWs. “And if I’m not going to do anything but hurt the people I care about, I’d rather not do anything at all.”

“Let _me_ be your reason.”

It was the Kennedy’s turn to blink, and blink he did. “I get it-you’re in pain,” Chris assured him, sadness and hurt enveloping each breath, each syllable. “You’re _tired._ I’ve been there, Leon. I was there for far too damn long, but someone rescued me. A friend. A young man I’ll _never_ forget. And now _I’ll_ rescue _you._ Let me be your reason. Let me fight with you. Let me look after you. Let me take you to a Sharks game. You like them, right? That’s your team, isn’t it?”

Leon crashed one of his hands against the side of his head. “Wait, hold on. We’re going a _little_ too fast here. Just a few seconds ago, I was infected with whatever virus it was, harmed you and your men, and tried to blow a hole in my head. You jumped off the building after me and magically cured me. Now you’re telling me to make you my ‘reason’? This has to be the _weirdest_ fairy tale I’ve ever heard of. And I’m in the middle of it.”

“Give me the chance to make you happy, Leon. Let me make you smile. Please, please give me that chance. Don’t leave me. Don’t do this, Leon. Please.”

Hunnigan’s partner sighed, tears burning his eyes, his cheeks, everything within him. “You do realize what’s happening, right?” the Kennedy asked his friend, smiling, hurt, happy, excited, sad. “I’m sitting here talking to you about blowing my head off, and you’re doing...what? _Hitting_ on me? The man, the myth, the _legend,_ is hitting on me?”

Chris’ voice was solemn. Tearful. “I don’t know if it counts as ‘flirting’ if the man you’re in love with is talking about killing himself, and you’re trying to talk to him out of it.”

An uncharacteristic, cosmic amount of fear and exhaustion pierced Leon’s voice. “For your information, buddy, I don’t know _how_ to be a boyfriend,” he said, suddenly much smaller, much weaker than he had ever been. “I could’ve _killed_ you, and you’re acting like we’re back in high school or something.”

“I made a promise. I promised a friend I’d never turn my back on myself ever again, and that’s a promise I don’t plan on breaking. I’m in love with you, Leon, and I’ll do _everything_ in my power to look after you. On my honor as a member of the BSAA, and in honor of my friend’s memory, I, Chris Redfield, will be your reason. So don’t let go. Don’t _ever_ let go. I know it’s hard. I know it’s very hard. But don’t ever let go. I’ll carry you if I have to. Just don’t let go, Leon. Don’t.”

Silence colored the moments, the space, between them. Leon peered into the other’s eyes, then shut his own, suddenly far too tired to do anything but breathe. 

“This friend of yours. He must’ve been one Hell of a man.”

“He was. Always will be. And I hope to be the same kind of man to _you.”_

“Well, you’re off to a pretty good start. So. About that game. Still on?”

Chris said something, but Leon didn’t understand it. He set his head against the Redfield’s chest, eyes closed, falling into the scent of earth, dusk, gunfire and blood, suddenly warm and far more peaceful than he would have been if he had jumped off the ledge. Strong, warm arms held him in place and did not move. They would not have moved, even if the Devil himself willed it.

**Author's Note:**

> So Leon continues to not know how to be a boyfriend, and Chris continues to be the perfect boyfriend. Leon’s on temporary medical leave from his position for a while, as he needs to recover from his recent mental trauma, and Chris’ job continues to be Hell, but they’re incredibly close even when they’re apart. Claire and the other members of BSAA are thrilled when they find out their hero is finally dating someone, despite it being another man. Hunnigan just shrugs and says she knew it was going to happen anyway, despite Leon’s confusing relationship with Ada and him momentarily flirting with Hunnigan herself.
> 
> Chris eventually takes Leon to his game, in between Resident Evil 7 and Resident Evil 8. The two of them are able to date-for a painfully short amount of time, but it’s precious time nonetheless. Leon’s PTSD flares up from time to time, but luckily, Chris is able to calm him whenever it does. Leon does the same for him, even when they’re apart.
> 
> Right before the events of Resident Evil 8, Leon and Chris visit Piers Nivan’s memorial grounds. They stand side by side, in silence, for two hours. In the rain.


End file.
